New dad reveals battle with post-natal depression: ‘I didn’t love my daughter’

Campaigners are calling for men to have routine screening for post-natal depression, with nearly 40% of new dads saying they have concerns for their mental health.

Only fathers whose partners have a history of anxiety, depression or more severe disorders are currently offered a comprehensive mental health assessment.

Ross Hunt, 28, has opened up about his own experience of post-natal depression after the birth of his first child.

The moment I found out my wife was pregnant I cried tears of joy. There was nothing I wanted more in my life than to become a dad.

Having my own little family was all I wanted. But sometimes things don’t work out the way you expect them to.

Isabelle, our daughter, was born into chaos.

We were rushed down to theatre due to my wife having cord prolapse, and the panic and stress triggered a past traumatic memory for me.

I’ll save the details. But there I was, living what’s supposed to be one of life’s best moments, all the while I was mentally reliving one of my worst.

Instead of love and happiness towards our daughter, there was jealousy and resentment.

Instead of an unconditional desire to protect her, there was a desire to run away.

I felt that I didn’t deserve this family.

That they would be better off without me.

In short, I wanted out.

But, instead of running, like I so much wanted to do, I talked.

And every time I did, I felt like I was opening the bottle of a shaken fizzy drink.

The pressure was getting released, and the more that the pressure was being released, the calmer and better I felt for opening up.

Opening up publicly, first via my blog and then mostly through Instagram, was the next best thing that I did.

Holding my hand up and saying “I regretted the birth of my daughter and I didn’t love her” may have opened me up to criticism and judgement, but it helped me, and many others, to realise that feelings don’t define you.

Just because you feel a certain way at one moment, doesn’t mean you’re going to feel that way forever.

These days the relationship I have with my daughter is the best thing I could ask for.

Don’t get me wrong, she still throws the occasional epic tantrum purely because I made her honey hoops for breakfast after she repeatedly asked for them.

Yes future Isabelle, you were an occasional nightmare. But that’s life.

People always ask me what my advice is for any father going through post-natal depression, and I’m always a little hesitant as to what to say.

Every person suffers from depression differently, so everyone has a different way of getting them through. My only advice really is to find what works for you.

More often than not, the best thing for anyone with a mental health issue is to seek help and talk about how you feel.

These days, I find that talking openly about how I feel via Instagram is the best thing for me.

I try to treat it in the same way I would a physical issue. People have no problem saying “I have a sore knee today” but they’re much more reluctant to say “I just want to sit in the corner and cry”.

If we could all be more open and honest about how we feel without the fear of being judged, then the world would be a much healthier place to live in.

And if a single person feels less afraid of opening-up after reading this, then I’ve done what I set out to do.

(c) Sky News 2020: New dad reveals battle with post-natal depression: ‘I didn’t love my daughter’