‘It’s good to remember’: Charity helps UK children who lost parents in war

“This one’s for Kosovo, this one’s Iraq, this one’s Afghanistan.”

As 13-year-old Erin Nicholls gets out her dad’s medals from their special box, there’s no mistaking the pride in her voice.

Lance Corporal Ross Nicholls of the Household Cavalry was killed by a Taliban ambush in Afghanistan back in 2006, when he was just 27.

But it’s only recently that Erin’s started asking more about him.

What made the difference was the Good Grief camp in Washington DC, which brings together children of American military personnel who’ve lost parents to enjoy fun activities together – and take part in group therapeutic sessions.

It’s organised by a US charity called TAPS (The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors), but – for the first time ever – Erin and five other young people from the UK were able to go along, thanks to another charity aimed at helping the children of those who have died in the British armed forces.

Scotty’s Little Soldiers was founded by Nikki Scott, whose husband Lee was killed in Afghanistan almost exactly a decade ago. The charity now bears his army nickname.

“I saw the effects his death had on our two really young children and I desperately wanted to make sure they had right support in place for them as they grew up, to know how to understand what happened to their dad and meet children who had gone through the same thing,” Ms Scott told Sky News.

“But despite there being so many great military charities in the UK, I couldn’t find one dedicated to supporting bereaved British forces children, so that’s where the idea came from.”

The charity now supports over 300 children who have lost a parent in the British military.

In April 2019 alone, it provided 46 birthday gifts, 10 personal funding grants, 12 family respite breaks and 600 Easter eggs to bereaved service children.

For its founder, helping families to remember their loved ones in a positive way is all important.

“It doesn’t matter what the marital status of the parents were, their financial situation, that child’s lost their dad that served our country so that’s the key thing for us,” said Ms Scott.

“All the children will receive a meal voucher for Remembrance Day so they can have a meal out with their family and chat and share some feelings. They get a voucher on the anniversary of their parent’s death.

“Just something small to remind them they’ve not been forgotten and actually that’s probably the most feedback we get, something so small but they just love knowing people haven’t forgotten.”

The charity’s information is now included in the Purple Pack given to families by the armed forces after a service death.

It was also chosen by the Duke and Duchess of Sussex as one of just seven military organisations to benefit from donations received as part of their wedding celebrations.

For Erin’s mother Angela, losing her husband also meant losing a home and a support network – which is why Scotty’s Little Soldiers has been so important.

“It’s the community,” she said, “because when it happens, you have to leave your army quarter and the barracks after a certain amount of time, and you have to move away. And Scotty’s gives you a bit of that community back.”

Angela said the change in Erin since she returned from the Good Grief camp has been noticeable.

“She came back and she was just beaming,” she said.

“Us British, we don’t talk about things, we keep things in, stiff upper lip and everything. It was nice that she saw the other side of it where they were very open. And then she said I’ve been wanting to ask questions about dad, but I didn’t know what to ask. But they’ve given her the tools to ask.

“And we’ve started having conversations. About just things like what was his favourite food, his favourite dinner, the funniest things you can remember he did, just things like that but that was the start of a conversation that then flowed.”

She agrees that a dose of US-style candour has worked well for her British charges.

“The Americans, they are very open, they like to hug and share,” said Ms Scott.

“But I think that helped our British kids to actually open up and realise in a safe place where everyone’s in same situation, it’s okay to talk about it.”

Erin said she’s enjoyed finding out more about her dad.

“Before we went on the trip I didn’t really know that much, but I didn’t really want to ask because I didn’t really want to talk about it,” she admitted.

“But then when we went on the trip, everybody else was talking about it and I didn’t really have that much to say, so it made me ask my mum some more about him.”

Going to Scotty’s Little Soldiers gatherings, she says, has also taught her about how best to deal with grief.

“I used to think that when you go to events like that, it would be rude to laugh and be happy, but I learned that it’s not, it’s better to be happy and laugh,” she said.

“And it’s good to laugh and remember things and talk about it.”

The charity is now hoping to run its own UK-based camp for bereaved service families, so it can reach even more children for whom every day is Remembrance Day.

(c) Sky News 2019: ‘It’s good to remember’: Charity helps UK children who lost parents in war